Mom refuses to take 18-year-old daughter to doctor when she's been sick for a month, refuses to give her necessary document to go to doctor herself: 'She started crying saying that how could I go against her better judgements'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 24, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Every illness requires a different level of medical intervention. If every citizen showed up in the emergency room every time you stub your toe, the medical system, as we know it, would collapse. On the flip side, if you refuse to let your kids see a doctor on the grounds of your religious beliefs, no matter how sick they are, you're probably not a very good parent. 

It's a good rule of thumb that you should seek medical advice if your condition has worsened in the week since you first started having symptoms. The young woman in this story probably should've sought treatment 3 weeks ago, but her mother keeps trying to stop her. After a week of what was seemingly just a regular cold, she started coughing so hard that it triggered her gag reflex. A week later, she started running a fever and couldn't sleep through the next because of her cough, and even then, her mom forbade her from going to a doctor. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10419818496
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I've been sick for a month and my mom won't take me to a doctor. Am I the j for putting my foot down?
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 03
    I 18 F, started to get what I thought was the cold or flu around the end of September. I was coughing, sneezing and my eyes were watering, the whole works. I didn't think much of it since I normally feel a bit when the seasons change and this was right around the time everyone was getting sick.
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 04
    A week into October my symptoms were getting worse, I started coughing so much to the point it would trigger my gag reflex. Then I started to have trouble keeping food down. Since I work in customer service I had one of a time talking to people. Every three words I would start coughing uncontrollably and no amount of tea could help.
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 05
    Three weeks in and I start to develop a light fever, nothing too crazy but I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Tossing and turning in bed would disrupt the flem and mucus in my throat and I would end up coughing so much I had to spend most of the night hunched over the toilet until all the mucus came up and I felt good enough to go back to bed.
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 06
    Now it's been four weeks, gaging in the bathroom over the toilet is a daily occurrence. I still can't sleep properly, I am running out of breath and coughing when I am just walking to my bus stop or up a few flights of stairs, and I haven't been able to eat anything of sustainable food in two days.
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 07
    My mom refuses to take me to see a doctor and is convinced I just have a cold. We do not have a family doctor, she will not give me my updated health card and she will not let anyone take me to a doctor or a walk in clinic. She has ignored me before when it came to health problems I've had such as my esophagus being ripped open from the pure force of me throwing up for two weeks. And completely "forgot" the fact that the doctor said that if we had waited an hour which she originally wanted to do
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 08
    She has completed ignored and denied a nurse saying that I needed a knee brace when I smacked my knee so hard on a rock during a hike that it shattered the cartilage in my knee cap. She ended up slapping a compression bandage on it and complained when I was still hobbling around two weeks later and said I was overreacting.
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 09
    I had a bit of pillow fluff stuck in my ear and it took her 3 years to take me to get it checked out and cleaned. It took her so long that both my ears developed a really bad skin infection and I had to take a medication and ear drops to fix it. Fun times. ton of
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 10
    Tonight I finally put my foot down and told her directly that if she didn't take me to see a doctor within this week I am going to find a way to take myself there. She started crying saying that how could I go against her better judgements and asked how I could possibly believe all of my coworkers, teachers and peers who were telling me to go see a doctor, over my own mother. I tried to talk over her saying how I have been sick for almost a month and that even if it is just a cold it wouldn't hu
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 11
    CeruleanFruitSnax NTJ. Go to an ER. You sound very sick and your mother is delusional. What she is doing is neglectful of your health and it needs to change. Tell the staff of the ER that you don't have your documents because your mother has refused to take you for treatment.
    via u/CeruleanFruitSnax
  • 12
    ScreamySashimi Yes 100% this. After you are recovered it would also be good to try to make a plan to obtain your own health insurance now that you're an adult. Also I mean this in a "it doesn't sound like your mom is reliable" way. Not in a "no one wants to work" type of way.
    via u/ScreamySashimi
  • 13
    iamreenie OP, Please, for the love of God, go to the ER asap! You very well could have pneumonia or bronchitis. I had pneumonia twice. I ended up not seeing a doctor for a few weeks, and my symptoms became worse. I had the same symptoms you did. I ended up with damage to both lungs. I had to see a respiratory therapist for a year to help my lungs heal. You won't need your documents to go to the ER. Your mom is an abusive pos. Demand your documents from her or look for them while she is out. What
    via u/iamreenie
  • 14
    Polysemy Throwaway This! If you have ever been to a doctor your information is likely already in the hospital computers.,If you know your SSN even better,(but try and get it if you don't). They can literally plug it in and get your insurance info from that. You don't need your insurance information, everything is computerized anf usually linked together
    via u/PolysemyThrowaway
  • 15
    t4rdi5 Yes, the ER can't refuse treatment regardless of insurance status. I didn't have insurance or family dr as a kid, and would go there if i needed a dr. Also, if you're 18, your parents cant access any medical records without your permission. They won't even know you had treatment. My oldest is 19 and we use CHOP, which has an online portal. Literally the day she turned 18 it disappeared from my account.
    via u/t4rdi5_
  • 16
    Obse55ive Since you are 18, you need to get a copy of your birth certificate, passport if you have one, insurance card. Keep all of your important documents. If you are working, get a bank account in your name only. This past behavior on your mother's part is neglect turned into abuse. Save up and move out as soon as possible. She has some mental issues and needs help. She's trying to guilt you and manipulate you.
    via u/Obse55ive
  • 17
    Gold-Veterinarian-83 OP She will not give me any of my personal documents saying that "I am not responsible enough". I think I might be able to get my health card number through my school and might be able to work something out.
    via u/Gold-Veterinarian-83
  • 18
    Puzzleheaded_Big3319 it is illegal for her to keep your documents. call the police.
    via u/Puzzleheaded_Big3319
  • 19
    SGTPepper1008 NTJ. I get colds a lot and have a 2 week rule. Colds are usually caused by viruses and should clear up within 2 weeks. If I'm still sick after 2 weeks, that means the mucus in my respiratory tract has gotten infected by bacteria and needs antibiotics to clear it up (this is all what my PA at urgent care has told me). If I'm still sick after 2 weeks I go to urgent care and they give me antibiotics, steroids, and sometimes an inhaler if it's turned into bronchitis. My parents also ne
    via u/SGTPepper1008
  • 20
    You definitely need to see a doctor. I would recommend urgent care or maybe ER. Get yourself there, tell them you're a cash pay patient, and if you are in fact covered by insurance you can submit the bill to them later. You're 18 and you don't need your mom's permission to go to the doctor.
    via u/SGTPepper1008
  • 21
    PurpB84 NTA your parents is a narcissist she wants you to do what she says she thinks your health since you're not dying you're okay you're not bleeding you're okay. Just go take yourself in forget her. Your health is more concerned than her knowledge of thinking you're okay.
    via u/PurpB84

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